Saturday, December 31, 2016

Page 366

Hi there.

It's the last day of 2016. It's the end of the year. ONE freaking year has passed by so quickly! It's been one hell of roller coaster ride this year. 

I was still struggling for my pregnancy early this year. I still can't accept the awkwardness of being a pregnant mom. I'm literally felt like a potato and penguin. I was so huge and gained almost 10kgs. Phew. Now, I'm still struggling with my weight. I was 48-49 kgs after I gave birth to Adam and the past five years before I got pregnant with Orked. I'm still at the 50's kgs. Hish.

Orked Mariam is 6 months old this month, She is so strong that she can pull her head so high whenever she looks at the bold colours, Didi & Friends's song, any sound of vacuum, blender etc and of course ME! Her face is like saying "mommy is here. Pick me up, please?" She still at the stage trying to grab any toys or Astro remote control nearby, but still can't get them. So, she will give up  and cry! I'm still struggling feeding her because it's still new to her. I think her development is slow compared to her brother,Adam. She can't sit in the walker, she shows no sign of crawling but just a long stare at me (waiting for me to pick her up). She is the REAL Lucifer -_-

It was really happy, sad, extremely exhausted year for me. I was pregnant and I took care of my sick of my late mother, the-never-ending-house chores and juggling with Adam's school not to forget adjusting with my new time zone with newborn. I didn't sleep properly at night (still), but I can't go to sleep at day time too bcos I have a 5 years old kiddo who needs to go to school, eat, play and bath. SO, WHAT IS SLEEP?

It's almost 100 days since my mom left us. 100. Time really flies so quickly. We still talk about her daily, everything in the house reminds of her a lot, I still remember what I would do if she is still around with us. She will probably still playing iPad, scrolling her facebook, play with her candy crush, reading gossip and news, stalking our social media and looks up for cake recipe for raya. She would drive me crazy about the kids, what to do's and don'ts and would ask me to do brownies bcos she's craving for it. Oh mak, why did you left us so soon? I really miss you. All of your nagging, your voice, your smile, your laugh, your smell. 

I hope the new year will bring more happiness for me and my family. I hope we can get trough this sadness very, very soon.

Happy New Year, everyone!

From my family to yours :)

Thursday, December 1, 2016

My mom passed away

Hi,everyone! I know it's been 5 months I haven't write anything which I made a promise to myself I will write everything but I didn't. Phew, where should I start?

My mom passed away on my hubby's birthday 28 September at 2.30 am ish. We didn't know the exact time because all of us are sleeping. My dad, grandma and my sister were sleeping with my mom that night. I was sleeping in my room, exhausted. Suddenly my sister came into my room crying loudly saying "mak dah sekda,in" (she's gone) :( I didn't kiss her before I go to sleep that night. I kissed her before I put Adam and Orked to sleep earlier. Her skin was still warm. My grandma and I were the last person with her that morning. I still can talk to her that morning, gave her some foods and drink. Then, I recited Yasin for her until she fell asleep. She never opens her eyes later until her last breath. It was really heartbreaking moment for me.

And a little self reminder for myself and women out there, PLEASE check your breast, GO TO SEE DOCTOR and MAKE a regular check up at your clinic. If you have cancer, please immediately treat it. Don't keep it as a secret. NEVER. My mom was at stage 4 when we went to the hospital for MRI and X-ray, and they found something in my mom's breast. Of course, WE DIDN'T KNOW. She never told us about it. Not even a hint. Why mom? :(

Thank you for everyone who stop by at my house and for the wishes,doas for my family and I. I knew, this time will come but I guess I wasn't ready to let my mom go...

first family dinner after the surgery (December '15)

Our last dinner (May)

Our last raya :(

I miss you mom. 

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Pantang Raya be like...

First, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin everyone! The day that we love so much every year after our own birthday, I guess. Hehe. I love raya, not only we get to wear pretty kurungs and show it off (well sorta) but I get to meet up with my dear bestfriend, eat lemangs ketupats, cake and drink lots of air gas (carbonated drinks). Well, we used to get angpaus too but as we grew older well in my case I'm married with two kids goodbye angpau. 

I still don't get tooooo excited for raya as I'm turning older and older, but I still want to raya but if you're having pantang raya you'll never feel the raya vibes. Ever. I've told my husband, I don't want give birth on raya or puasa ever. Period. Bammmmm! Things that you never wanted to happen just happen. How magical is that? You just can't plan everything, you have to suck it up and move on. I still can eat those ayam masak merah, daging masak kicap and all except for lemangs, puluts, ketupats and kuah kacang. Thank God it's been a month since I gave birth to Orked, so I get to skip the pantang rules. Psst, don't tell my mom.

I only get to visit both of my grandma's house, my in laws and tw of dear friend's open house. I'm sorry I didn't get to beraya-ing/ngabang/visiting your house (if you're reading this and happens to be my friend. Hehe) I will do it next year, Insyallah. I will buy more pretty baju raya, eat a lot and visiting my friends. Hopefully, no more pantang raya for me. 

The only decent photo of us.

I'm wearing Lubna in lilac minus the skirt and Juliet by Naelofar in nude sorbet.

I should start saving from now for next year's raya outfit. Hehe. Thank you for those who came and gave angpau to both of my children. I will make sure you will be his and her favourite uncle and auntie! :D

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir & Batin 

Love, Me, my husband, Adam Irfan & Orked Mariam.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Twenty four

I'm officially turning to 24 today! Alhamdulillah I'm grateful to be alive being with my two kids Adam Irfan & Orked Mariam, with hubby (who still no birthday wish or surprise this year like last year pfft im so pissed pfft), parents, family & my dearest friends. Thank you for the wishes you guys :)

As much as I'm grateful for today, I'm still in my pantang days. It's been only 13 days since I gave birth to Orked. I want to go out. I want to #sungkeiwithlove with hubby too. Hehe. I want to celebrate my birthday with my favourite food. I want ais kacang. I want to eat bongkol. Most of all I want to go out from the house and shopping! I need to go shopping. I need to buy new clothes for Orked. She needs new clothes and so do mommy. hehe.

It is sucks to be in pantang during Ramadhan. I wish this would be the last one. 

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Dreams do come true

It's been a week since I gave birth to my daughter, Orked Mariam. I have always wanted a baby girl. I'm so obsessed with baby girls. Alhamdulillah, I have my own mini me.

It started with a tiny period cramps on that Wednesday night. Well, I did feel the period cramps  two days earlier. Yes, still remember that feeling though I haven't been on period for 9 months. I knew how it feels. I keep on checking for the sign whether I should go to the hospital since Monday. It's Ramadhan Mubarak for us Muslim. So, my goal is to eat as much as I want and satisfy my whole craving. I did. I went to eight bazaar for three days straight with hubby. I got to eat one of my favourite's  kuih, kuih bongkol! :) 

So,back with those period cramps moment. Hubby and I watched Batman on hbo that night. Then I wanted to go to sleep and went straight to the toilet. The red auntie was there! I was totally blank. I didn't know what to do, so I called my sister. She told me to go to the hospital immediately. Thank God, I was all ready with my bags. I went to the hospital that night with my second sister and hubby.

I didn't feel any contraction until the doctor did the cervical exam to check whether the cervix has begun to open or soften in preparation for birth. It was open for three centimeters. I had to spend the night in hospital though. So, I've changed my dress and try to get some sleep. It was 4.30 am ish in the morning that I would have woke up preparing sahur for my family but I'm stuck here in the bed at the hospital. I started to feel the contractions every half an hour, to 15 minutes to 10 minutes to 5 minutes and 2 minutes. I had forgotten the contraction pain. It's been five years. It was really,really, reallyyyyyyy painful. My friends always ask me "How does it feel? It is so bad?" I have no words to describe the right feeling when the contraction hits me. You feel like want to poop but you just can't. 

It was almost 7 am in the morning. I got the feeling,IT'S TIME! I HAVE TO GO TO THE LABOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW! It was awful! I really hate the contraction. I didn't get to lay on the labour bed so I gave birth at my ward bed. It was really fast. 20 minutes in the labour room I finally gave birth to my unkown gender baby. Little that I know, when the nurse give the baby to me and show the baby's private part, I was over the moon! It's a baby girl! 

7.09 AM

Welcome to our little family, Orked Mariam